When I started blogging…『blogtober 2014』

Here we go with day 6 of the blogtober 2014 event.

10 Things you’d tell yourself when you started blogging
As stated in yesterdays blog post, I’m not one to make a list of things I want to accomplish in a certain time span. Hence I couldn’t give you a list of 10 things that I told myself when I started this blog. I don’t even think I really did tell myself something back then.

I started this blog as a place to post random musings, to ramble on about various thoughts running through my mind. Back then I was dealing with Endometriosis based infertility and our IVF-journey. It was a really difficult time, where I myself realized I was on the verge of not being able to cope with it all that well. Luckily, our second IVF cycle (the first frozen transfer attempt) our little snowflake decided to stick with us and is smiling at me now in her sleep as I type this 🙂

During that difficult time and the pregnancy that followed I did a bunch of crafty things: crochet, knitting, cross stitch. (You can see all my posts in the handmade category here). So my blog became more of a crafty picture type of thing.
And now I want to get back into writing a bit more in my entries, which is why I participate in this blogtober14 event.

 

 

 

Finally…in our arms ♥ Baby Album cover art

After a long journey, struggling with infertility due to Endometriosis, going through fertility treatments (IVF), our “Snowflake” from a frozen transfer stuck with us . Finally, in the early hours of July 18th, 2014 we were able to hold our precious daughter in our arms!

We are overflown with joy and excitement of what each new day brings and love to cuddly with our “Snowflake”. As she turns 1 week old today – I want to show you what I did to her Baby album cover (I went all crafty before birth to pass the waiting time). You see, she also has been given a ‘real’ name, obviously 😉

BABY ALBUM (front cover)

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I cross stitched her name ‘Nanami’ as well as some little decorational motives. The “subtitle” reads: Little summer snowflake. To add some playfulness I took buttons and just randomly put them on there as well. The crochet border is supposed to add some summer-vibes.

FRONT COVER INSIDE

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On the inside of the front cover I put a cross stitch owl family and in Japanese it says “Papa, Mama, Nanami” above their heads. I wrote down the lyrics of a song that just speaks right from our heart.

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The pages inside which we hope to fill with lots of photos are of different length because I put the same type of crochet border on each page as the front cover has. It’s just more vibrant and cheery that way I thought 🙂

On the inside of the BACK COVER I put the seasonal owls that I already posted a while ago on my blog here

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On our choice of name – NANAMI

It’s a name of Japanese origin that is usually written in simple Hiragana ななみ without having a meaning. If it is written in Kanji like this: 七海 it has the meaning of ‘seven seas.’ (To hear the pronounciation CLICK HERE )

We like to interpret the meaning of the Kanji as “Cosmopolitan”, because the “7 seas” go all around the world. We want our Snowflake to go wherever she wants to go in this world & have her discover the various, different, unique parts of the world on her own way. By that, we not only think of the geographical world, but also the different, colorful cultures, lifestyles, life plans people have (i.e. a couple = not just man/woman etc).

In that sense^^^^we hopefully manage to raise our girl to be an open-minded, cosmopolite person who will be able to live a colorful life with her very own mind ❤

 

 

 

Wishes on an ’ema’

Whenever I look at the little wall space above my desk, I see this pretty wooden tablet in the shape of a ginkgo leaf and I smile…

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This is an ’ema’ (votive picture tablet usually made of wood) that we bought at the Tsurugaoka Hachiman-gû (a Shintô Shrine) in Kamkura, Japan about a year ago. Usually, you buy them at the shrine, write your wish on the back of it and hang it on the racks that are put up in front of the shrine. It’s always really interesting to look at those and the many messages or wishes people from all over the world wrot on such ema in many different languages, too!

This one however, I found too pretty to leave there at the shrine and so I had to take it home with me. I still wrote my wish on the back of it as you can see^^. It says: “I want to make/have a child and live happily with my husband forever.”

Ever since we returned from our Japan trip last year I had it hanging right above my desk, so that whenever I lift my head I automatically look at it. It kept me wishing, helped motivate me to try again and again (even when we failed) with making a family. Now that this wish seems to have come true (I’m still a bit scared it’s all just a dream from wich I have to wake up too soon), I look at it and start to smile…(^_^)

We do make pretty blastocysts

We had our 1st Frozen Embryo/Blastocyst Transfer and now I’m on the dreaded 2-week-wait with a little “snowflake” on board. It all went smooth and we felt just as excited as we did with our first fresh transfer. Hoping >SO< much that this one sticks & keeps growing for the whole 9 month.

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It’s quite fascinating for me to look at this picture – not just because this hopefully is our baby, but also because I’m fascinated to be able to see it at this stage – all thanks to modern science!! We all looked like this little bundle of cells, but very few of us get to have a snapshot of themselves at this stage. Don’t get me wrong, if I could choose, I’d reather be superfertile over having this picture any day, but that’s not the case so I’m enjoying the little things like getting to see a glimpse of awesome. The lab-lady and my doctor both commented on how beautiful developed the blastocyst looked.

Fertiles and other people are often quick to brag, saying “we do make pretty babies”…So I’m taking the liberty to brag and say “We do make pretty blastocysts” , yea!!!

already in my heart – someday in my arms

Endometriosis based Infertility.

Those are the cards we’ve been dealt. Slowly and over time we learned to play with those cards, just so to keep us in the game. There is always a change of players at the table – nobody can play without (medical) help. Some players have what I came to call “Beginners luck” and can leave the game table quite soon with a happy and relieved smile on their faces.

I try my hardest to send them off with a smile, because I am happy they got through the game so fast! It’s every players dream: go in, play your cards, beat the infertility bank and leave with the precious prize & the glow of someone “expecting”.

I would have to cheat lie if I’d say that it doesn’t hurt a bit in my heart to see a player leave the table. I could dwell on that feeling and give it ground to grow on. Instead I turn around, eyes back on the game table, the cards in my hand and I keep on playing with one thought in mind:

I will not lose to the infertility bank – I will be a mother !